Grief can be defined as a loss or sadness resulting from a death, a divorce, a loss of a pet or a maybe a best friend who may have moved to a different side of town.
Here are eight strategies to consider when confronted with grief and you are trying to ease the pain.
1.The first and most important strategy is prayer.
2. Read your bible and inspirational materials.
3. Listen to tapes of the Spoken Word.
4. Guard your environment.Seek out people who lift you up.
5. Reflect on the good times you shared with your loved one.
6. Read notes, cards, and various forms of condolences from family and friends, when you are emotionally ready to do so.
7. Share and reflect on personal stories and pictures from your past.
8. Allow younger children the opportunity to share their thoughts and feelings.
Sometimes as adults, we get so caught up in formality, and trying to impress individuals with fancy titles, that we forget about the children when making funeral arrangements. Children grieve too. They tend to love deeply and profoundly.
Let’s not forget to allow them time to express themselves publicly and/or privately. This can be done through writing letters, drawing or sketching, singing or simply speaking from their heart.
I recently attended a funeral where the grandchildren had an opportunity to express their feelings. They spoke fluently and shared special moments that brought tears to my eyes. Their reflections seemed to resonate with everyone in the room. They may not have known it at the time, but that could have been the beginning of their healing process.
Healing from the loss of a loved one takes time. You can help the children by including them in age appropriate conversations, and providing strategies that will help them to move forward.
There are some adults who could learn from the children. To often, I have experienced individuals who speak to long at the funeral or home going services. Many individuals make inappropriate comments, and simply don’t know when to return to their seats and simply stop talking.
To help with the grieving process, some individuals may benefit from additional assistance from friends, family, parishioners or grief counseling for support.
Whatever you do, utilize your support team members and refuse to try to go it alone.
Here is an example of how I once helped a friend through a difficult situation. She was transferring to a different location during the school year. When she announced to her class that she was leaving, they burst into tears and started to cry profusely. She cried as well.
She came to my room, eyes red trying to hold back the tears and asked me to talk to her class.Luckily I was just a few doors away. Quickly I sought coverage for both classes so I could go down and give them the support they needed.
As I walked hurriedly down the hall, I was thinking Lord, what am I going to do to help these students.
Even thought I had a masters degree in counseling, I was still working as a teacher. To answer the question that’s going through your mind right now… No, I had no training in grief counseling.
I used my faith and the first thing that came to my mind. I started off by asking them why they were crying ? Sobbing so hard, they weren’t able to speak in coherent sentences.
I asked each student to take out paper and pencil and write her a letter expressing everything that was in their hearts. Following my instructions they started to write.
Within a few minutes, I heard sniffles and less crying. I knew at that moment, I knew I was on to something that was working. I continued to moved around the room passing out kleenex tissues and making sure they were on task.
By the time they were done writing, all crying had ceased . A sigh of relief was on their faces. Even though they weren’t ready to talk, they sat quietly while the other students completed their letters.
When everyone was done writing, I collected the student’s letters and sealed them in a large envelope. They knew the contents within the letters were private, and only their teacher would see them.
After school, I delivered the package of letters to my friend. She was grateful for my help. I was pleased as well, because I had implemented a strategy for the first time and it worked. I followed up with a grief counselor later to find out that the strategy used was appropriate.
Lesson Learned:
I concluded that when faced with a challenge of finding a solution to a problem, the first thing you should do is try to remain calm. Quickly and carefully think through the situation, and use your best judgement at that moment. As soon as possible, seek support from a professional or someone who has expertise in that area.
This story ended well. The students were relieved after sharing their feelings, and the teacher loved her class even more after reading the letters.
Hopefully you will find this helpful when looking for ways to get a child through grief.
Do you have any additional ideas you would like to share about how you have helped a child cope with their grief? Please leave your questions or comments below.
To your Success,
Ruby Freeman
Wishing you much success,
Ruby Freeman, Academic Coach / Founder of HelpingKidsLearn.org / Ruby@HelpingKidsLearn.org
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